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Bratty kids in restaurant and other public places

stinkbaby.gifdemonbaby.gifWe’ve all been there. It happens in a restaurant, the grocery store, the movie theater, pretty much any place that civilized people go to attempt to unwind and enjoy a small part of their day. If we’re lucky, it’s some mom with a kid that just filled its diaper with some rather pungent form of toxic waste. If we’re really lucky, mom has a clue, and promptly removes the odiferous thing to some other location to allow the EPA to take care of whatever it is the kid just created. If we’re not so lucky, mom knows that no one around her will object if she spends the next ten minutes changing the kids diaper right there in the middle of the dining room, theater, etc. After all, why should she miss part of her dinner conversation of a scene in the movie just because her little darling just took a dump that would astound a brontosaurus? The fact that the people around her are passing out from the noxious fumes her kid is generating are irrelevant. Anyway, that is the lucky situation – lucky because it will be over relatively soon.

If we are unlucky we end up someplace with someone that just can’t understand that other people don’t find their brat charming, endearing, or even remotely appealing – at least not while it is rampaging through an otherwise quiet room destroying any semblance of peace, quiet, or relaxation. The amazing thing is that the parents of these kids actually believe that normal people enjoy (or at least tolerate) experiencing their kids demonstrations of asocial behavior.

So, as a civilized person, who can (and does) keep your kids under control, what can you do? Fortunately, many public places are starting to deal with the Horrible Parent themselves. These establishments realize that a bratty kid will chase away customers by ruining their experience. There are plenty of other places to go spend your cash where you won’t have to deal with a brat. I’ve actually been in restaurants where I have called  a waiter over to cancel a meal order because of a bratty kid, and the manager has asked that I wait a few minutes – then gone and asked the offensive kids parents to leave. When I asked why, the waiter explained that it was a policy to remove bratty kids if they ever caused another customer to leave. I make a point of frequenting these establishments because not only do I know I will have a quiet evening, I know that if there is a bratty kid there, I will get the free show that almost always accompanies the parents of the brat being told that they will have to leave because their kid is bother other customers. Righteous indignation can be truly entertaining.

Perhaps the most fun that can be had is when some parent actually takes the leash off their monster, and allows it to rampage throughout the establishment – not just at their table. If the kid is a real little shit, I’ll grab its attention, get it to come over, and pull the santa claus routine. It’s santa.gifnot too hard to convince the little ones that I’m either Santa Claus himself, or one of the elves on vacation. Get the kid chatting, pull out the palm pilot and ‘note’ the kid’s name, while quietly muttering “looks like no presents this year”. When the kid goes screaming back to mom and explains what happened, all kind of fun can result. Some parents actually come over to yell, scream or otherwise create a scene. Simply observing that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree can be great fun. By simply staying calm and quiet while mom or dad blows a gasket will almost always guarantee that they get kicked out – sometimes with the cops helping out. At one rather fancy dinner establishment, the cops actually got a standing ovation as they “escorted” the screaming parents kids out of the room.

I have to be honest though – the vast majority of kids that I encounter in public are actually pretty good. I have a lot of sympathy for the mom with the crying baby – as long as she realizes that the baby is her responsibility, and not every one else’s. When the kid won’t stop crying, move angelbaby.gifto the lobby while you quiet it down. Once its calm, come on back and enjoy the rest of your dinner. I make a point of stopping and letting those parents know that I truly appreciate the way they are treating their kids – and the people that share their social spaces. My favorite family restaurant is very kid friendly – kids are encouraged to move to certain areas where they can enjoy watching the kitchen staff do their thing, play with some toys, or otherwise be kids. The staff also makes a point of making sure there are things at the tables for the kids that want to stay close to mom and dad. Part of the reason I like this restaurant so much is because I can always count on seeing happy, well behaved kids. I don’t think I’ve ever encountered a brat there. I’m not sure why – part of it is probably because the clients of this establishment don’t seem to be the type that would ever tolerate that type of behavior from their kids.

Of course, there are places that I simply won’t go because they are full of the brat kids. Some places – like the local “chuck e cheese” – are perfect little prisons for them – a place that is specifically designed for parents that are willing to let their kids be complete monsters. There are a couple of other local places that I avoid for the same reason. I make sure that the management knows why they won’t get my business, but hey, there’s a buck to be made from those parents, and from my point of view, the world is a heck of a lot better off when they are encouraged to congregate in the same place. At least that way I can avoid them. And I know that when I run into the parents of a real little monster, I can recommend those places as a “more appropriate venue” for their family.

So there ya go. My opinion on bratty kids in public spaces. Blame the parents, but, as is often the case with incompetence, the parents aren’t the ones that really suffer – it’s the people around them, and their own kids.

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5 Responses

  1. http://pressposts.com/Politics/Bratty-kids-in-restaurant-other-public-places/

    Submited post on PressPosts.com – “Bratty kids in restaurant and other public places”

  2. Do you have kids of your own? Or are you just an over opinionated moron?? Deal with it asshole! Before you criticize others, walk a day in their shoes….

  3. Hi Julia, Yes I do have kids of my own, and they know how to behave both in public and private. Based on your highly intellectual, well-written, and carefully thought out response, I can only conclude that you are either one of the bratty little shits I’m talking about, or the role model for one of them. Please stay home. You might also consider looking into birth control to try and keep from pissing in the gene pool.

  4. Dearest Santa,
    Must say, I’ve shared your creativity and wit with a few close friends and You’re a big hit in my home!!

    May I ask where you found your fractal picture, it is amazing!!

  5. Thanks
    I don’t recall exactly where I got the fractal pic. I used to play around with a lot of farcal software, and this was something I had left over… Don’t recall what software, when I genreated it, or what…

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